And if it’s where I am, it’s still me. I was looking up at the sheets of parceled clouds and the glowing moon in the violet night sky, mesmerized by how the former flowed softly over the latter. I found myself wishing I could do that all the time – perhaps if I lived in […]
I feel like I just chased my father away with my coldness, and now I feel lousy. It’s just that he’s such an inconvenience and a burden, but he doesn’t mean to be an inconvenience and a burden. For all I know, I could be an inconvenience and a burden to him.
I’ve been taking several ADD/ADHD self-tests (Note: Not self-diagnoses, as these don’t exist). I want to visit the counselling centre at my school – get a professional opinion – but I’ve been missing the time frame to do so. Also, I’ve been feeling slightly less compelled than before, after remembering that my [new] school tends to […]
Rambling, racing self-realizations: I wish I could believe that my parents could love me no matter what. I’m afraid they’ll reject me the moment I stop giving them reason to love me. I think that’s part of why I’m so afraid of failure – I mean, I’ve hit close to rock bottom – it’s not how […]
After a fortnight in Paris: Paris was racist. (It was also pretty, but I don’t want to talk about that. I’ll go back when I can speak enough French to bite back.) Dream revised: Spain.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m too set in my ways and my opinions are too strong. Sometimes, I wonder if my frankness and too revealing behavior are unhealthy. Sometimes, I wish someone would come along, give me a big slap across the face, and tell me what’s wrong with my approach to life. And actually […]
Am I scared of life? Or is it scared of me?
I wish the whole world would just explode without giving us a chance to react. That way, we could all end our lives without lamenting the end, as we do, or hurting those around us. We could all die together, and no one would die as a result of someone’s actions. No one would be to […]
My mom went on a trip to a foreign part of the world with a group of fellow middle-aged to senior citizens. It’s almost been 3 whole days, and I still haven’t gotten news.
Why is it never enough to say, “I’m having a hard time” or, “I had a hard time”? My least favourite thing is having to justify my pain. My least favourite thing is courage, fear, urgency, or something else finally pushing me to the threshold for blurting out the truth about my suffering, past or […]