Always Short of Credible

Why is it never enough to say, “I’m having a hard time” or, “I had a hard time”?

My least favourite thing is having to justify my pain.

My least favourite thing is courage, fear, urgency, or something else finally pushing me to the threshold for blurting out the truth about my suffering, past or present, and someone I trusted with the information immediately belittling or – even worse – discrediting the pain.

My least favourite thing is repeating that same mistake in desperate hopes, or maybe renewed trust, that it wouldn’t be the same the next time around, especially after bearing an emotional falling out over the matter in the previous episode… because in my desperately, hopelessly optimistic mind, it is unthinkable that someone so important to me would hurt me in that same way again, and discredit my pains in that same way again, after I’ve clearly expressed and visibly demonstrated how…

Never mind.

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3 thoughts on “Always Short of Credible

  1. I’m quoting someone else here, and I’m saying it again because it’s true:

    Nothing, NOTHING that makes you feel bad is trivial. Nothing is trivial if it affects you in some way.

    A lot of people have this generic perception that big life-altering events such as childhood abuse traumas are the only things that “should” affect people. But humans react to different things in different ways because of our personalities. Don’t let people dismiss you as “sensitive”– people who are more susceptible (like you and me) often tend to be more neurotic (prone to anxiety, lets things get to them). That’s a fact of personality that is extremely hard to change, and I think some psychologists say that past a certain time period, you shouldn’t think about changing a fundamental part of who you are.

    I’m so, so sorry that someone you knew discredited your pain. I hope it gets better soon. *air hug* (I need a hug, too).

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